calendar girl

"...and that sin and love and fear are just sounds that people who never sinned nor loved nor feared have for what they never had and cannot have until they forget the words." faulkner

I think this is all meant to be about how i feel about the world at any given time, so i cannot apologize for the frivolousness of this blog at all. And I won't.

Right now, I am happy. I know this is often subject to change, but even when I am sad these days I am happy just to be alive and sad. And I know it will pass, and blah blah blah, but right now I am just happy. I am grateful for my flowers, and my farm stand, and my love, and my allergies. I am grateful for white peaches, and portulacca, and orchids. My wedding will be full of tiger lilies and orchids. I have to get married in late june. Anyway.
I am grateful for sunshine and yoga and my boring little town. I am grateful that the person I spend the most time with is a seventy one year old woman named Fran. I am grateful that I have the time to not know what I am doing with my life, and I am rolling around in my confusion joyously. What a crime it is to not live joyously, i think, the worst crime. I am grateful that I feel old at nineteen and that I have lived well enough to both learn and forget the words to explain how i feel about things. I am grateful for sheep and farms and sunsets, and bee hives, and water color paints. I am grateful for you, in every way possible.